A Not So Modest Proposal
by Ashurato
Summary: A twist on the story Densha Otoko where Tsuna as Hermes is saved from a potential molester on the train... only to realize that his savior is probably the worse of the two. 6927, 1827, 10027, implied crack X/Sq, others.
1. Of Perverts

A Not-So-Modest Proposal

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by Ashurato

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- Chapter One -

- Of Perverts -

A brown-haired, amber-eyed boy collapsed upon his computer chair and laid his weary head against the cool, dark wood of his desk. It was a day that tried even his infinite patience and boundless capacity to take gratuitous amounts of torture. It was a day he wished he could erase from his memory.

It was the day he would have been happier to not have lived.

It was the day that the homos finally found him.

He looked up at his computer screen and steeled his resolve. He would find an answer to his problems and after searching self-help forums for hours, he finally settled on this one.

**Tuna Fish:** [Hello everyone. This is the first time I have ever written anything here, but it's come to a point that I really need some help. I'm just a normal 20-year old undergraduate student of Vongola Daigaku, perhaps a little smaller and slower than most individuals, but I never thought this could happen to me.]

**Tuna Fish:** [Until today... when I met the bane of my existence.]

---

"Juudaime! Please allow me to escort you home today!" implored the silver-haired Gokudera Hayato with an unnaturally wide smile on his face. He was a transfer student from Italy with a staggeringly high IQ and a temper that rivaled the flames of hell. But this gifted bad boy's wildcat tendencies were somewhat tempered into dogged infatuation with a fated meeting with destiny.

Destiny's name was Sawada Tsunayoshi, also an undergraduate student in Business Administration in Vongola Daigaku and despite his refusals, the next in line as the proud institution's Tenth Chairman. He was neither too smart nor overly charismatic, but he had a profound intuition and an uncanny talent for drawing people to him. Unfortunately, this talent drew ALL people to him. "Umm… I was thinking of just taking the train home today, Gokudera-kun."

"It's of no consequence to me, Juudaime! A twenty-mile walk home is nothing compared to your safety—" Gokudera's tirade was cut off when he tripped over a conveniently placed wire trap. As he fell, a tough mesh net hoisted him up ten feet into the air. "Wha-what the hell is this?"

Tsuna immediately rushed forward to help his friend, but something he saw out of the corner of his eye stopped him dead on his tracks. He slowly backed away from the trapped Gokudera when he realized that Hibari Kyoya, head of the Disciplinary Committee and heir to one of the largest security companies in Japan, was very quickly and purposefully stalking towards them. "Herbivores."

"Get me down from here! I have to go—"

"--straight to the Disciplinary Committee's office for a little chat. Smoking on school grounds is against the rules," said Hibari with an icy tone. "Just like loitering."

Tsuna glanced between the two individuals, torn between helping his friend and the instinct of self-preservation. But before he could do the smart thing, his mouth had already opened and words started to take form. "But Gokudera-kun wasn't…"

Hibari whipped out a picture from inside his shirt of Gokudera smoking and leaning on the school gates. It looked to be one of those snapshots of the school's idols that were currently being sold by amateur photographers in the school to make a quick buck. "I confiscated this from a female student this morning. Now will you be a good boy and walk yourself or continue to act like the trash you smoke and be dragged? But if you ask me, I would much prefer the latter."

"I was finished with classes and waiting for Juudaime at the gates!"

"This snapshot was taken when school was still in session. You walked out of class that day and your feet were still on school property. MY rules still applied to you," reprimanded Hibari with a slight upturning of his lip. He leaped up and with a strong blow from his tonfa, cut the rope that suspended the net and his captive.

Gokudera landed on the ground with a loud thump and a groan of pain. But he did not have much time to regain his bearings before Hibari began dragging him away. "Juudaime! Please excuse me for today while I clear up this gross misunderstanding! I will see you soon!"

Tsuna raised a hand in stunned farewell as he watch the pitying—yet strangely comedic—scene before him. He made to turn around and leave, but he saw another piece of paper fly out from Hibari's shirt pockets to land in front of him. "What is this?'

The alarms blared loudly in warning inside his head, but against the warning bells, he turned around what appeared to be a picture. As he looked more closely at the image, he almost dropped it as if it had caught on fire. All it took was a split second for his eyes to bulge out and his jaw to drop when he saw the subject of the photograph. He was faced with a picture of himself, tie askew and reading glasses perilously close to falling off his sleeping face. He was sitting on one of the window seats in the Chairman's office with his books and notes strewn in disarray about him. The orange-tinged light told that it was nearly twilight when the picture was taken.

"But there's nothing against the rules with me being in the Chairman's office after house. Why would Hibari-san…?" Tsuna looked down and noticed tiny text in the white space framing the picture.

**- Tsunayoshi Sawada -**

**- Limited Edition : #18 out of 100 -**

Tsuna swiftly jammed the picture into his bag with a horrified glance at his surroundings. Although he felt flattered that the school paparazzi would be interested enough in him to take and sell his photographs, it came as a shock that anyone would be interested in him enough to purchase them. Their ability to infiltrate even the most secure locations in the school terrified him.

But as he tore off towards the station, two thoughts ran rampant through his mind.

Why did Hibari-san have one… and…

Where were the other ninety-nine?

---

Tsuna gave a sigh of relief as he took his seat on the train. Although they weren't the most comfortable methods of travel and his tutors preferred for him to travel through safer means, Tsuna still liked taking the train in the afternoon when it wasn't so crowded.

He took out the manual that Reborn, his teenage sadist of a tutor, was going to quiz him on when he got home and leisurely began to read. He was already prepared that no matter how thoroughly he studied the material, Reborn would question him on things completely unrelated in order to get the pleasure of torturing him.

But Tsuna's concentration was short-lived, broken when he felt someone's stare unabashedly targeting him. He looked up from the manual to momentarily lock his amber eyes with a rare heterochromatic pair of red and blue before the shuffling of riders entering the cabin put it out of his mind.

He licked his finger to turn the page, but he felt the same uncomfortable feeling of being scrutinized only increase in intensity ten-fold. But this time, Tsuna chose to ignore the blatant gaze in the hopes that the interest would soon face. But soon enough, the light that allowed him to read was blocked by a smirking figure that loomed over him.

"'Well, what do we have here? Don't you look so adorably lonely reading all by your lonesome? Why don't I, Glo Xinia, join you?" said the bespectacled man with a slimy smile.

Tsuna was at a loss for words that such a perverted man would loom over him and mistake him for a girl. He originally thought that the man was addressing someone else, but no one else was sitting anywhere near his vicinity. He clutched the book to his chest and averted his eyes, but Glo Xinia tore the book from his grasp. "Stop!"

"The Road of the Vongola Mafiaso," scoffed the perverted man as he read the cover. "Such a serious and boring-sounding book doesn't fit you. How about you have dinner with me instead? I promise that I will make it worth your while."

To Tsuna's horror, his oppressor chucked the book over his shoulder and moved even closer to him. Tsuna frantically glanced around for any help, but the other passengers around him were facing away and trying their hardest not to become targets themselves. Tsuna shut his eyes and made to push the man away. "Please leave me alone!"

"Oh, but seeing you struggle is so captive—ack!"

Tsuna's eyes opened wide when he heard Glo Xinia fail to finish his sentence. Instead of the slimy man, he saw a long-haired younger man about a year or two older than himself wearing a dark green uniform, camouflage shirt, and black gloves. He towered over Glo Xinia, who he had pinned to the floor of the train with his foot and what looked suspiciously like a trident. His face was covered by Tsuna's manual, which he seemed to be intently reading.

Glo Xinia's harassed voice started to make his distaste of the situation known, but the foot that pinned him like a butterfly to a piece of cardboard rose a few inches and quickly and violently stamped out his protests.

Tsuna shrank back from the violent display before him, half-paralyzed in fear and half-desirous of snatching his manual back.

"Oya oya, what a fascinating hobby you have, Sawada Tsunayoshi-kun," murmured a deep voice that simply dripped masculinity. The owner of the voice then shut the manual to reveal an exceedingly handsome young man with red and blue heterochromatic eyes, long indigo hair, and the most infuriatingly cocky smirk Tsuna had ever seen.

"How do you know my name?" said Tsuna suspiciously. Reborn was going to flay him alive. The teenage tutor had warned that there would be hell to pay if anyone not affiliated with the Vongola succession ever read even a single line in the manual.

"Your name, Tsunayoshi-kun, is written all over the inside of this book," said that man as he turned the said book around to show the title page… as well as the photograph of a tied-up, half-naked Tsuna as he was battered under a waterfall during one of Reborn's 'training sessions'. It was placed there as a grim reminder of what could be.

Tsuna gasped in humiliation. "Please give it back."

The man's smile simply radiated innocence. "But Tsunayoshi-kun, ever heard of finders-keepers? If you want this back, then you will have to snatch it--!"

Tsuna wasted no time before he lunged forward and snatched the manual from the man's grasp, uncaring that he stepped on the prone Glo or at the rudeness of such a gesture. He quickly secured the book in his bag and turned back with the expectation of a furious man.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to do, Tsunayoshi-kun. You still owe me for saving you."

To Tsuna's surprise, he found himself trapped by the man's two hands on either side of his head and the devastatingly handsome face inches from his own. He made to push the man away or scream chikan* on the train, but the man's hypnotic eyes and his attempts to vainly salvage his masculine pride arrested his voice.

This was a mistake that Tsuna would regret for the rest of his life, as one second, the man was safely three glorious inches away from his face, and the next, the man's mouth was firmly attached to his. Although the kiss was relatively tame, just a meeting of lip to lip that lasted mere seconds, Tsuna's mind ran into overdrive in replaying the ravaging of his lips' innocence.

The man soon broke the kiss with a pleased smile, but Tsuna's expression, uncannily similar to a goldfish, was frozen in shock.

"Will you be my wife, Tsunayoshi-kun?" smiled the demonic man.

Now, if Tsuna was gay or female, he would have easily swooned on the man's lap and begged to be whisked away. The problem was, Tsuna was neither female… nor was he gay. All in all, the poor boy was mortified beyond belief. But as he thought the situation could not possibly get any worse…

The whispers started.

_"The poor boy, targeted by two homos in one train."_

_"The first pervert was less scary than this one. Out of the frying pan into hell, I tell you."_

_"Shiro, don't look over there! You'll become one of them if you do!"_

_"Yes, mommy."_

_"Miki, hurry up and keep writing! We don't always get fanfiction fodder this good! And live too!"_

_"You know… that boy IS rather pretty for a boy."_

Tsuna trembled in mortification, unable to move even as the man unabashedly raked his mis-matched eyes up and down his body. "What do you say?"

Tsuna was spared from answering when the train came to a timely halt. He shot out of his seat (stepping once again on Glo Xinia in the process) and threw himself out the doors just as they started to close. He turned back to take one last look at the man's face and his expression grew pale.

Instead of anger, a deep interested and profound amusement radiated from the heterochromatic man's eyes. He brought his fingers to his lips and blew a kiss in Tsuna's direction. "Bye-bye, Vongola."

The train began to move and Tsuna could barely suppress shouting for joy. But Tsuna's relief was cut short as the man's other gloved hand slowly rose to reveal Tsuna's half-naked picture in its possession. All the blood drained out from his face when he saw the pervert kiss the photograph and pocket it as the train sped away.

---

**Tuna Fish:** [And that is my story. Now I've developed a phobia of trains. But I have to get that photo back! Can any of you please offer me any advice?]

**Bucking Horse:** […]

**Kami Korosu:** […]

**Sho-chan:** […]

**Jaws:** [Your ass is grass.]

**Fukurou:** [Kufufufu…]

---

Mukuro smiled as he logged off the forum and walked towards his couch with prize in hand. He gently placed it next to another picture before he lay down on the couch. He looked out of the window at the reddening light of the setting sun and chuckled to himself.

Next to the prized picture was another equally valued treasure.

**- Tsunayoshi Sawada -**

**- Limited Edition : #69 out of 100 -**

Mukuro smiled and lifted the information page he ripped out from the manual.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi. Vongola Juudaime-elect. 20 years old. Business Administration undergraduate of Vongola Daigaku.

"I found you."

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End Chapter One

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*Chikan = pervert

Author's Notes:

Of course, KHR does not belong to me. Although the desire to steal the rights is pretty strong, I'm not even going to go there.

Please think of this as a means to tide you over until the next chapter of Zaibatsu is out. I know I've been bad in updating it, but I've been ridiculously busy with work and wedding planning (this November 7 before anyone asks). This is the crack-fic that is very near and dear to my heart as I adore Densha Otoko (with a perverted KHR twist and dash of my own sadistic humor). And for some reason, it proves that I write best when the story is AU. A nice, but also slightly depressing fact.

As for the screen names up there, I did try to make them obvious without having to say who is who. That would just ruin the fun.

And yeah, I know the poll on my profile doesn't really decide which fic I update first. But it does say which ones people are reading the most


	2. Of Denial

A Not-So-Modest Proposal

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by Ashurato

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- Chapter Two -

- Of Denial -

"So let me get this straight," mused Reborn as he sat with eyes closed and legs crossed in an armchair across from Tsuna. He slowly opened his eyes and didn't bother to hide the evil glint that sparked in their depths. "You were on your way home, having decided to go against our suggestion to not take the trains, and found yourself in an unfavorable situation…"

"Unfavorable situation is a major understatement!"

"Fine, then you were hit on by a slimy man, saved from that man by an even more flamboyant homo, propositioned, visibly frisked, nearly raped, and robbed of the pathetically miniscule remnants of your masculinity, am I right?" The evil glint was joined by a twisted smile as Reborn savored every word that summarized Tsuna's trauma.

"Yes!" screamed Tsuna, nearly in tears as he sat tethered to a metal chair. But as uncomfortable as the chair was, the true source of Tsuna's worries was the wires that connected the chair to an ominous-looking black box lying inches from the trigger-happy teenager's fingers.

"So? How is that any different from your daily schedule?"

Tsuna should have expected to receive no sympathy and only mocking amusement from his guardian. "Is it normal for a perfectly straight man to be hit on?"

"If he looks like you, then yes." Reborn's finger flirted dangerously near a bright, red button. "Tsuna, I don't believe you have consulted with a mirror lately."

"You kick me out of bed in the morning!" Tsuna half-snarled and he momentarily forgot who he was addressing. "At school, I'm chased around by both bullies and perverts! And when I get home, I'm the sorry victim to your sadism! When do I have time to do anything for myself?"

Instead of Reborn's finger, his whole fist slammed upon the button. Heavy voltage tore through Tsuna's quaking frame and horrible screams pierced the air. Passerbyers that innocently walked outside quickly dashed to the other side of the street. They were familiar with the mechanics of the Sawada household and knew the consequences of coming to Juudaime's aid when Reborn was home.

"Watch your mouth of you'll be walking down the aisle in a wedding dress by the time I'm through with you. But enough of this, it's your own fault for ignoring our warnings and taking the train in the first place. Let this be a good lesson for you. Now hand me your manual."

Tsuna gave a huge sigh of relief and collapsed over his economics textbook when the electrical shock ceased. He limply reached beside him (as far as he can reach while being tied) into his bag for the manual and lazily tossed it to Reborn… before his eyes grew wide with terror when he remembered exactly what condition the manual was in. "Wait!"

Reborn snatched up the manual with the grace and agility of a cheetah hunting his prey. Within seconds, his blank face grew positively sadistic with a smirk. "Well, well… what do we have here? It looks like your potential stalker left you his information."

"What?!" shouted Tsuna as he knocked his chair over in his valiant attempts to be freed. He stared at the manual as if it was the devil's handbook. But to his surprise, instead of the awakening of the demon he was expecting, Reborn's expression only grew thoughtful and calculating.

"Now this is interesting. I wasn't aware that you would be acquainted with—"

"I don't want to listen to you!" yelled Tsuna as his face turned red with embarrassment and his efforts at liberation. "I don't need a name to go with that face. I'm perfectly content to stay in the dark."

Reborn shrugged, pocketed the manual, and tossed a brand new one to Tsuna without question. All the while, his smirk was fit to split his face in two and his eyes glittered with unholy mischief. "Take this, then. You have a meeting with representatives from Kokuyo Daigaku, so I'll spare you for today."

"You call giving me the shocking of a lifetime 'sparing' me?" muttered Tsuna as his bonds were released.

"Would you prefer if I questioned why a certain picture is missing and how a stranger managed to grab hold and actually WRITE in your manual in the first place? I would more that gladly accommodate you if that is the case. I even saw a page torn out," suggested Reborn as he stood up and loomed over the prone older boy. "I see that you want to go back to basics with a full month's training on Death Mountain."

All the blood drained out of Tsuna's face with the mention of hell on earth. But if Tsuna was not so traumatized by the idea of a prolonged visit to rabid-bear infested death trap mountain, he would have caught the mocking tone coating Reborn's voice. But unfortunately, his mind was wiped clean with a panic attack at the mere memory of such tortures. "You… wouldn't."

"I won't if you get up and pull yourself together. The Kokuyo representatives are arriving soon," said Reborn as he headed for the door. "Mess this up and off to training we go."

Tsuna barely managed to suppress a shudder as he stood up and brushed himself off. "What do the Kokuyo representatives want from us? The last time I remember, they wanted nothing to do with partnering up with other universities."

Reborn halted mid-step before continuing out the door. "Let's just say their new chairman has an invested interest in you for the sake of future relations."

"Chairman?" asked Tsuna as he followed Reborn out the door. "I thought that Lancia-san turned down the position in order to study in Italy! Who is the new chairman?"

"His name is Rokudou Mukuro."

---

**Bucking Horse: **[Do you think that guy from yesterday will come back? It didn't sound like the type of problem that will be solved overnight.]

**Kami Korosu:** [Herbivores like that are just asking to be preyed upon.]

**Jaws: **[Voi! You try to sound like such a badass, but for all we know, you're just a pervert yourself! Or is it just a cover because in truth, you really take it up the behind?]

**Kami Korosu:** [I know where you live.]

**Jaws:** [Bring your prickly ass over here anytime! I'll take you on!]

**XX:** [You trash both sound like a couple of homos, so shut the fuck up!]

**Tuna Fish:** [Did… I come at a bad time?]

**Kora:** [All of you be quiet! I want to know what the weakling has to say.]

**Jaws: **[You mean the bottom.]

**XX: **[I told you to shut your mouth, trash!]

**Jaws:** [Don't fucking throw a chair at me, idiot boss!]

**Kora:** [Both of you get lost if all you're going to do is flirt onscreen.]

**Jaws: **[What did you say?!]

**XX: **[With this trash?! I'd rather freeze.]

**Tuna Fish:** [Uhm… maybe I'll just come back later.]

**Bucking Horse:** [Ignore them! Did you find a solution to your problem?]

**Tuna Fish:** [Well… not really…]

---

Tsuna tensed as the two representatives from Kokuyo Daigaku sat before him. The blond man with a scar across the bridge of his nose glared darkly at him while the other man with glasses seemed content to ignore his very existence. Although they came for the sake of good research relations, the visitors' reactions had been nothing short of glacial despite the warm reception they received. Tsuna felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"I thank the two of you for coming, misters…?" Tsuna trailed off, slightly worried at the non-reaction.

"Kakimoto Chikusa. This is Joshima Ken. Mukuro-sama was unable to attend due to unforeseen circumstances, so he forced us to go and meet you in his stead, Vongola Juudaime," said Chikusa in a flat tone as he adjusted his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose.

_Forced? _Tsuna's eyebrow started to twitch. "I do apologize for taking up your time."_ Although this meeting was at Kokuyo's request._ "So what can I do to help you? I'm sorry that Chairman Giotto is currently overseas at the moment, but I will try my best to provide any assista—"

"Argh! We didn't come to see the old man! Mukuro-sama told us to come and see you!" snapped Ken as he reached the end of this patience.

"Ken," sharply reprimanded Chikusa. "Behave as Mukuro-sama told us."

"Whatever!" growled Ken in a huff as he crossed his arms and seethed in his chair. "Do what you want, byon!"

Tsuna was taken aback and more than a little confused at the display before him. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by the sound of light rapping against the door. "Come in!"

The door opened and Tsuna took an involuntary step back in horror. Before him stood the female equivalent of the man who harassed him on the train. He tensed as she walked forward with a covered package in her hands, but he slowly relaxed when she made no move. "Good afternoon, miss. I do know believe I know your name yet."

"Chrome," came the girl's lilting voice. "Chrome Dokuro. Mukuro-sama sent me as the third Kokuyo representative."

"Oi! At least arrive on time, stupid girl! Mukuro-sama trusted you with that small task and you can't even do it properly, pyon!" hissed Ken. Tsuna thought that if the blond man was a dog, he would have bared his teeth and every hair would have stood on end with utter mistrust.

Tsuna put up his hands in a calming motion. The last thing he wanted was for the representatives of a potential sister-university to rip into each other in Chairman Giotto's office while he was in charge. "Wait, I took no offense to it at all, so please don't worry about it. It harmed no one and I am sure that Chairman Rokudou would understand."

Chrome's previously blank face was almost alight with wonder. She slowly approached Tsuna while still holding the package. "You were standing up for me? Thank you, Boss." She leaned forward and kissed Tsuna's quickly reddening cheek.

"Ah." Chikusa's mouth dropped slightly to convey his surprise, but his reaction was lost in the wake of Ken's.

"What are you doing?!" snarled Ken as he leaped up and made to tear Chrome away from the frozen Tsuna. "That was not something Mukuro-sama told you to do!"

Tsuna slowly fell into his chair and raised a hand to his blushing cheek.

---

**Jaws:** [You're such a virgin. Even a woman tops you.]

**Froggy:** [But Captain looks like one, so what does that say about you?]

**Jaws:** [Shut up, Fran!]

**Kora:** [Both of you shut up!]

---

Chrome simply stood while Chikusa valiantly held back a furious Ken who seemed hell-bent on taking her life. Tsuna quickly regained his composure and immediately tried to make amends. "Please, I didn't mind it nor did I take any offense. Dokuro-san…"

"Please call me Chrome, Boss." Her expression did not change, but her tone was warmer than before.

Tsuna was stunned, but decided not to argue. They were his guests after all. "Ch-Chrome, pardon my asking, but do you have an older brother or relative who looks similar to you?"

Ken stopped struggling and all three of them exchanged wary glances. "Sorry, Boss. The only family I have is Ken, Chikusa and Mukuro-sama."

"I'm… sorry for bringing it up. I wasn't aware." But Tsuna's mouth still felt as dry as ashes. "And Chairman Rokudo…"

"Looks nothing like this ugly girl! You couldn't even compare the two!" shouted Ken as he wrenched himself free from Chikusa's grip. "Mukuro-sama is… Mukuro-sama is…"

"Our savior," continued Chikusa. "He is giving us an education when no one else believed in us because we don't have families. We all want this connection with Vongola Daigaku in order to broaden our horizons." He glanced at Ken out of the corner of his eye. "Although some of us have a lot more adjusting to do than others. Society isn't quite accepting of people it considers 'abnormal.'"

Tsuna stared at them in awe. He was not aware of the true reason why Kokuyo had very little connection with other universities despite its excellent programs. He did not know that despite such adversity, Kokuyo's chairman was able to gather such passionate followers to his side, ones that respected him. At that point, Tsuna knew that he needed no further deliberation. "I accept. We can formalize which academic tracks can have joint courses or even transfers once the school board clears it. But my answer is yes."

True, albeit faint smiles blossomed on each of their faces. "Really, Boss?"

Tsuna grinned in return. "Yeah." He was cut off as the covered package in Chrome's hands gave a sudden jolt. "Chrome, may I ask what is in your hands?"

Chrome looked down and quickly laid the package on the desk. "A present from Mukuro-sama as a sign of good faith. Please accept this token." She lifted the white cloth to reveal a cage and something living inside.

Tsuna almost stumbled back as a snowy owl with heterochromatic eyes was released from its cage. It immediately fixed its red and blue gaze upon him in an uncomfortably unwavering gaze. "It's… a snowy owl."

Chrome nodded as the bird flew from her hands to hover before Tsuna. "His name is Mukurou because he's a furukou*. Owls are very good guardians and he will be watching you day and night from now on, Boss."

'That's what I'm afraid of!' thought Tsuna. But as he held out an arm for the owl to land on, he knew that he could not refuse or risk a falling out of negotiations with Kokuyo before they could even begin. Nevertheless, the owl's stare unnerved him the longer it stayed on his face. "Do owls normally have heterochromatic eyes?"

Ken scratched his head. "Hete-what?"

"It means different-colored, Ken," answered Chikusa.

"Oh." The three all nodded in unison.

"… Great. Thank you," said Tsuna as a strong feeling of discomfort started to creep into the back of his mind. "I appreciate it."

The abnormally quiet owl's right crimson eye sparkled with mischief and the silver name plate collar around its neck shone in the light.

---

**Kami Korosu:** [Have you ever thought that all of this might actually be your fault?]

**Tuna Fish:** [Eh? How so? I try not to cause any trouble, but it seems to find me anyway. My grades are only average, I'm not that strong, and I get hit on by men on a regular basis. Why on earth should anyone even think I'm worth bullying? I'd say I'm pretty normal.]

**Kami Korosu:** [… you remind me of this weak little rabbit who goes to my school. His incessant whining makes me feel torn between killing him…]

**Froggy:** [Or raping the living daylights out of him.]

**XX: **[HA!]

**Sho-chan:** [Wha-what?!]

**Kami Korosu:** [You may have a point.]

**Bucking Horse:** [You're gay?!]

**Tuna Fish:** [Maybe I picked the wrong forum.]

**Jaws: **[I knew it! Voiii!]

**Kami Korosu:** [I am not gay.]

**Froggy:** [Mr. Kami Korosu, you just professed to wanting to rape a man. Please get it into that granite head of yours that you are not heterosexual, you sexual offender.]

**XX: **[Do what you want. Ignore what this trash says and take what you want.]

**Tuna Fish:** [But what if the rabbit says no?]

**Jaws:** [Then you fuck him until he can't scream anymore. I mean, obviously!]

**Kami Korosu: **[I'll do it tomorrow, then.]

**Fukurou:** [Kufufufu… rabbits may be weak, but they can run pretty fast. Act quickly or it will be snatched from right under your very nose.]

**Tuna Fish:** [… running actually sounds like a good idea right now.]

---

Mukuro smiled as he watched Tuna Fish's status change to "away." He lifted a remote and turned on the TV just in time to watch Tsuna stretch from sitting at the computer for too long. Tsuna turned around and hesitantly brushed his fingers down his new guardian owl's chest.

"Good night then, Mukurou," said the Tsuna in the screen softly.

"Good night, Tsunayoshi-kun," breathed Mukuro with a small smile on his face. The smile slowly grew into a satisfied smirk as Tsuna began to change for bed. "Chrome, Chikusa, and Ken. You have all done very well."

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- End Chapter Two -

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*Fukurou = owl

Author's Notes:

And that was Chapter Two. Thank you very much for all the great reviews, guys! I'm actually really surprised that this one got so many in the first chapter, but the more I get, the more I get reminded to get my butt in gear. I will be updating Zaibatsu if not today, within the next couple of days. Why? It's because I'm getting married this Saturday. XD I actually have time to write since I'll be off work for a few days.

So I added XX, Kora, and Froggy into the board. I have to admit that out of all the characters, Froggy is my favorite when it comes to the forum. Can you guess the rest? It should be pretty obvious. As for your questions… yes, there is significance in the numbers for the pictures. The reason for Mukuro's pen name was answered in this chapter. Is Jaws Squalo? Well… this should have been answered this chapter too. As for Glo Xinia… I just really wanted to hurt him.


	3. Of Escape

A Not-So-Modest Proposal

by Ashurato

- Chapter Three -

- Of Escape -

**Sho-chan: **[How do you think it went today?]

**Bucking Horse:** [For which one?]

**Sho-chan: **[The scary one. He seems like the type who wouldn't let anything stop him, illegal or not. I was half-tempted to call the police to warn them that there's a dangerous would-be felon out and about.]

**Froggy: **[If he gets arrested, then it's the idiot's own fault. I say we ask the board moderator to ban the criminal already.]

**Jaws:** [You have one smart mouth.]

**Froggy:** [And you have an ugly face and girly hair, Captain. Whoops, look at the time.]

**Jaws: **[I'll kill you!]

**Bucking Horse:** [This whole thread is filled with potential felons already, Sho.]

**Sho-chan:** [I had a feeling that was the case.]

**- Tuna Fish has joined the forum -**

**Big Sis:** [So how was your day, you poor thing?]

**Tuna Fish:** [I would tell you how my day of hell went, but I have a sinking feeling that I'm only going to be mocked and insulted if I did so. I thought this was a self-help forum.]

**Froggy:** [It is. You help own your situation by taking sadistic pleasure through the misery of other people.]

**Tuna Fish:** [I thought as much. I'm logging off.]

**Bucking Horse:** [Don't listen to them! Not all of us are here to bring you down. Just tell us what happened.]

**Tuna Fish: **[… well… I don't know what it is about me, but I seem to have the unwanted ability of bringing out the perverts in people. I thought that the only pervert I had to deal with was that man on the train, but today… one of my sempai attacked me out of nowhere saying that I reminded him of a weak little rabbit that he wanted to hunt.]

**Big Sis:** [… That's not much of a pick up line.]

**Froggy:** […]

**Jaws:** [… Oi…]

**Bucking Horse:** [… Does that remind you of something?]

**Sho-chan:** [… It's too much of a coincidence. I mean, what are the chances of that being possible?]

**Bucking Horse:** [He hasn't logged in all of today.]

**Sho-chan:** [Then it may be best not to think about it too much. We may not like the answer. Tuna, can you tell us what happened?]

**Big Sis:** [Do tell!]

**XX:** [I don't want to listen to this shit!]

**Froggy:** [Feel free to log off anytime, Boss. We know you're much more interested in playing with yourself.]

**XX:** [What did you say, trash?!]

**Froggy: **[Oh, my mistake. Jaws must be lonely in the other room. Double the pleasure, double the fun.]

**Jaws:** [Dead frog walking! Fran, get your ass over here!]

**Froggy:** [Sorry, I'm not interested in threesomes.]

**- XX has logged off. -**

**- Jaws has logged off -**

**Tuna Fish:** [Uhm… o-okay…]

o-----o

Tsuna stretched his arms over his head and moaned softly, weary from prolonged sitting and poring over an economics textbook during his lecture. He yawned just as the professor dismissed them and then he turned to address Gokudera who sat to his right. To his surprise and mild annoyance, the normally sleepy Gokudera was wide awake as he watched him with glassy eyes and abnormally flushed cheeks. "Gokudera-kun? The class is over."

"Hmm…" sighed Gokudera dreamily before he slowly nodded. "Juudaime…"

It was not the reaction Tsuna wanted. He leaned closer to Gokudera until his lips were mere centimeters from his friend's ear. "Gokudera-kun?"

"J-Juudaime… I will follow you until the en—"

"Class is over!" yelled Tsuna into Gokudera's ear. He was nearly knocked to the floor as Gokudera shot straight up out of his seat in belated attention. Tsuna then noticed a picture peeking out of the inside of his friend's blazer. "What is that?"

When he realized what he had almost done, Gokudera immediately prostrated himself on the floor with his usual enthusiastic efforts at apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Juudaime! I didn't mean to ignore you while you were trying to get my attention. I was just—ah!"

The apologies never reached Tsuna's ears as his attention was more fixated upon the square, white corner of photo paper taunting him from inside his friend's pocket. Before his mind could fully process the information, he had already reached in and yanked out the offending item. What was revealed before his eyes almost made him wish he had stayed in kind oblivion.

**- Tsunayoshi Sawada -**

**- Limited Edition : #59 out of 100 -**

o-----o

**Big Sis:** [How adorable! You have a fan club! Do you think you can send me one of those pictures?]

**Tuna Fish:** [But…]

**Jaws:** [Moron! I was already expecting that over-enthusiastic lackey to have something more interesting than that! What, no nude photos?]

**Tuna Fish:** [Hey, it's not like that! And when did you log back in anyway?]

**XX: **[Your pathetic little peon is gay for you. What's new? Suck it up and move on!]

**Froggy: **[Boss would know. He's had first-hand practice.]

**XX:** [The next Varia meeting you attend will be your last.]

o-----o

Gokudera was paler than usual and he stood as still as stone as Tsuna glared daggers down at the photograph. His amber eyes were flickering red in his contained fury and looked fit to burn the photograph as if it was the bane of humanity. Gokudera made no move to try to regain his most prized possession, but his mouth began moving before he could will it to stay silent. "J-Juudaime, I can explain!" His pathetic attempt at explanation was quickly arrested by the almost sincere smile that Tsuna beamed at him.

Tsuna's smile was warm and bright as always, but the savage way he shoved the picture into the deepest, darkest recesses of his bag was a more accurate indicator of his mood. "See you tomorrow, Gokudera-kun. Please don't follow me home today."

"Ha… hai, Juudaime." Before Gokudera could even finish uttering those two words, Tsuna was already out the door. "I'm dead."

Although Tsuna was not a sprinter in any sense of the word, he was a little more than a blur as he sped down the hallways of Vongola Daigaku to get to the safety and normality of the Chairman's office. But as he ran past the Disciplinary Committee Boardroom, his break-neck speed was instantaneously and unforgivably halted by a vicious grip on his arm.

Tsuna made to tell his captor to release him, but as he turned, the sight of Death before him wiped all motor skill functions from his mind. Hibari Kyoya was not a man to be defied by rational being, regardless of how suicidal, for death at his hands would neither come quick nor soft. In short, Tsuna was held captive by an utter monster.

"No running in the hallways, especially not you, Sawada Tsunayoshi," drawled Hibari as his eyes bored holes into his prey. He immediately dragged the frozen man into the room and shut the door. "I will have to thoroughly discipline you."

The picture from two days before flashed ominously in Tsuna's mind as he valiantly resisted the urge to shrink back in fear lest he made an even bigger target of himself. It was a widely-known fact that when it came to dealing with the leader of the Disciplinary Committee, going along with what Hibari wanted left one with less broken bones…

Hibari slammed Tsuna against the closed door and proceeded to violate the soft, pliant mouth.

… except Tsuna, poor soul, had a death wish and overwhelming desire to preserve his virginity that day. And so, he struggled.

"Hibari-san, sto--!"

But Hibari was having none of it and he trapped Tsuna's flailing arms over his head with one iron-gripped hand. He shoved a leg between Tsuna's to keep him in place against the door and brought a steel tonfa up and under his captive's shirt. He smirked when he felt the smaller man shiver—whether from the cold metal or fear, he didn't really give a damn. He leaned down and slowly licked a hot trail up the shell of Tsuna's ear and down the column of his throat, where he could feel the pulse point pound fiercely.

"Let go of me!" said Tsuna as he writhed in vain to be liberated. "You can't just do this, Hibari-san!"

"Oh?" rumbled Hibari's deep voice, half-mocking and half-annoyed at being disturbed. But his sharp gaze had a tinge of pleasure that made them brighter than usual. "I seem to have lost a certain picture, but perhaps it was an indication that it was time to graduate from images to reality. Do not tell me that you are not attracted to me, Sawada Tsunayoshi. I will be the first and only man who will ever see you like this."

"But you weren't first!" blabbed Tsuna before he realized that he was too honest. He bit his lips closed to prevent his cursed mouth from opening again.

Hibari's eyes grew positively glacial. His grip on Tsuna's wrists grew tight enough to make the other hiss in pain. "Your first kiss?"

"Not that either," muttered Tsuna glumly in depressed recollection and he began to not care anymore. If Hibari beat him up, at least it was manlier than being groped and then laughed at by Reborn.

"Who?" snapped Hibari as he lowered his tonfa and released Tsuna's hands.

The last vestiges of Tsuna's self-control snapped and he did what no one in their right mind would dare to do. He yelled at Hibari. "I don't know, okay?! I am tired of getting molested by men everywhere I turn. It seems like all of Japan is after me! Soon, I'll be blamed as the sole cause as to why this country has a negative population growth!"

Hibari scoffed. "Don't be so dramatic. It's not like I'm in love with you."

Tsuna saw red. "Then why do you have me against the wall with your tongue shoving itself down my throat? There are rules that even you must follow, Hibari-san!"

"I **am** the law," growled Hibari. "And as for why… you remind me of a weak little rabbit that I want to hunt. That is all."

Tsuna snapped back. "That, Hibari-san, is called beastiality. And this little rabbit wants nothing more than to punch you in the face!" And so, he did with the full force of his right fist.

Hibari was so stunned at being referred to as a deviant that he failed to up his defenses and block when the full force of Tsuna's direct punch impacted squarely on his unguarded left cheek. "Sawada Tsunayoshi…" It was all he could mutter, for he was unconscious before he ever hit the floor.

Tsuna, stunned over what he had done, stood frozen as the gravity of his situation began to sink in. He mutely stared down at the prone body of the Disciplinary Committee Chairman. When he finally regained his wits, he slowly inched his hand toward the door knob. He took great care in turning the knob, for he knew that the slightest sound could wake the slumbering beast. But as he made to rush out into glorious freedom, the approaching figure of Kusakabe, Hibari's second-in-command, and others of the Disciplinary Committee forced Tsuna to slam the door shut, lock all the bolts, and maneuver a few chairs to serve as barricades. He backed away from the door but tripped over Hibari, which sent his sprawling. He held his breath, but the impact only caused Hibari to stir and not wake.

He breathed a shaky sigh of relief before he realized that he was trapped. A knock on the door only served to multiply his fears.

"Oya oya, you seem to be in quite the predicament, Tsunayoshi-kun," said a particularly smooth tone from right outside the window. "You look like you could use some assistance."

The indigo-haired man from the train was sitting on the branch of a ginko tree right outside the open window. Although the immediate instinct was to tear open the door and madly rush outside to get away from the pervert, Tsuna was quite limited in his options. It was either the devil that he knew or the devil that he did not. "Please, help me!"

"Of course!" said the man as his mismatched eyes twinkled merrily. "For a small fee, of course."

Tsuna did not want to know what the "small fee" entailed, but he ran towards the window. He could see the man with arms outstretched, ready to catch him, but as images of what he had just escaped from flashed through his mind, he veered from his set path. "Death is preferable!"

"Oya?"

Tsuna made a beeline from the closed window, put his arms up to cover his face and crashed right through it. He hit the bushes beneath the window hard as it was a jump from the second floor after all. However, he knew he had survived much worse under Reborn's tutelage. Like a man possessed or being chased by the demon dogs of Hell, Tsuna was off and sprinting out of the school.

"You're no fun." Mukuro smirked in amusement as he simply watched Tsuna's disappearing figure. He turned back around to look at Hibari. "I warned you that you would lose him from right under you nose." Then, he dropped from the tree and disappeared as well.

A single ginko leaf that was disturbed by Mukuro's departure sailed quietly into the window and into Hibari's open hand. Dark, icy eyes snapped open and the leaf was crushed in a vice-like grip fueled by anger.

o-----o

**Big Sis:** [You poor boy! If you are really that terrified, you should move in with us. Big Sis will protect you!]

**Froggy:** [Good idea! Except Big Sis is a muscle-bound homo and will only add to the situation.]

**Big Sis:** [Fran! Don't be rude, you insolent boy!]

**Tuna Fish:** [Uh… I thank you for the offer, but I will have to pass. But what should I do?]

**Jaws:** [Voi! Violence solves everything! Didn't beating up your molester earlier prove that?]

**Tuna Fish:** [What?! No! I didn't beat him up! I only wanted to get away!]

**Bucking Horse:** [That's sexual harassment! You should tell someone! I have someone I consider my younger brother who has the same problem as you. I would like to help, but I cannot until he tells me something is wrong. Don't you have someone to look up to like that?]

**Tuna Fish: **[I do…]

**Bucking Horse:** [Then it's worth a try! Don't worry those who love you.]

**Froggy: **[Because Bucking Horse is pro-incest. We all know how much he really loves his younger brother.]

**Bucking Horse:** [I've told you before, it's not like that!]

**XX:** [Admit it, trash!]

**Bucking Horse:** [No! You're all being ridiculous!]

**Jaws:** [Ha! You're all a bunch of flaming homos!]

**Sho-chan:** [I take offense to that!]

**Froggy: **[That's because you're a twenty-five year old virgin geek who still lives with his mother. The only vaguely feminine-sounding thing in your life is Windows Vista.]

**Sho-chan:** [Where do you get this stuff?]

**Big Sis:** [Now, now, Squalo. We all know that hypocrisy isn't very nice.]

**Jaws: **[What drug have you been snorting?]

**Big Sis:** [We all know that you're dating Boss behind the scenes.]

**XX:** [Die, all of you.]

o-----o

Byakuran stretched his arms and gave a closed-smiled grin as he got out of the limo and looked up at Vongola Daigaku. "So this is the school I'm transferring to?"

His eyes slowly opened to show demonic mischief swirling in their depths. "Now… who should I play with first?"

o----- -----o

- End Chapter Three -

o----- -----o

Author's Notes:

Ah, chapter three is done. Sorry it took so long, I was sidetracked with watching Gintama and getting my cosplay ready for Anime Expo this year. So, I added Big Sis to the forums to provide… a "feminine" insight. Of course, we all know how much we love those.

I hope the next chapter won't take as long to put up as this one did. It shouldn't as I have time to write next week. However, it doesn't help that I have a new idea for a KHR story that I'm dying to get on paper. As usual, thank you very much for your kind reviews as well as your enthusiastic response to seeing Tsuna besieged by perverts. It's not as popular a story as Zaibatsu, but I am glad that Proposal has a following as well.


	4. Of Transfer Students

A Not-So-Modest Proposal

by: Ashurato

- Chapter Four -

- Of Transfer Students -

Irie Shoichi gave an incensed look at his computer screen as he mussed his hair violently in frustration. The screen quickly switched to the Namimori self-help forums homepage as he logged off successfully, but his mind still writhed in agony at the recent conversation. He had wanted to be of further help to the poor soul, but becoming the target himself was hardly part of his agenda. "And dammit, I use a MAC!"

"As do I!"

_Serial killer!_ The flame-haired Electrical Engineering major whipped around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, half-out of his chair and with a hand over his wildly beating heart. As the rapid motion knocked his glasses askew, all Irie could see of the being before him was a large, white blur. He had become so accustomed to living alone in the double occupancy dorm for so long that visitors other than his friends and his mother were few and far between. And they usually knocked before coming in. His befuddled brain quickly processed that the person must the new transfer student.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, thank you," said Irie as he adjusted his glasses and righted himself on his chair. He finally got a clear look at the man who stood at the adjoining door to his room. The man's snow-white hair originally puzzled Irie, but the youthful, angular face under the white tresses told him that his companion was the same age as himself. And in a very non-homosexual sense—as Irie was supposedly completely straight—the newcomer was inhumanly attractive. He fully stood up from his chair, gathered the miniscule remains of his composure, and held out his hand. "Irie Shoichi."

"Byakuran," said the man with a foxy smile before he shook Irie's hand. "I apologize if my sudden appearance bothered you. I just transferred to this school from Millefiore Academy in Italy and was not aware that the adjoining door was not locked."

The polite tone made Irie's tense body finally relax. Byakuran did not appear to be a bad sort of guy. "It is good to meet you, Byakuran-san."

"Same here, Sho-chan!" replied Byakuran with a blinding, expectant smile.

A shudder crept down Irie's back and raised goosebumps on his skin at the sound of the affectionate nickname only his mother normally called him. But as he made to correct Byakuran (for he preferred to imagine that the Italian's man's slip of the tongue was due to a limited knowledge of Japanese customs rather than an outright means of ridicule), there was something Irie saw in Byakuran's expression than killed what he wanted to say.

It was that smile.

It was a smile that tread the fine line between the angelic choirboy and the boy who held a magnifying glass over an anthill on a sunny day to watch them squirm. For all Irie knew, Byakuran may be both, so he sighed, let it go, and allowed his responsible side to take over.

"Byakuran-san, I seem to have some time to spare before my afternoon lecture. If you're free, I can show you around the school if you would like. Those school tours never really cover everything."

Byakuran's mega-watt smile softened a little. "Oh, but I wouldn't want to impose."

"It's no trouble, just give me a moment to get cleaned up and I'll meet you in the lobby in five minutes."

"Five minutes, then," said Byakuran as he retreated back into his room and closed the door.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" grumbled Irie as he searched for his shoes with resignation.

In his room, Byakuran's smile remained, but as his sharp eyes opened to reveal quicksilver-lavender pupils, the slight twist of his lips transformed from friendly and inviting into something out of one of Irie's worst slasher nightmares. "Such a helpful suitemate you are, Sho-chan. I know we'll have lot of fun playing together."

o-o

When Tsuna finally reached Chairman's Giotto's office (finally as he warily kept to the shadows away from tonfa-wielding maniacs), he was surprised to see what looked like Reborn having a very deep, one-sided conversation with Mukurou, the snowy owl. Loathe as he was to interrupt the conference, he had to attend meetings today. "Sorry to interrupt you Reborn, but I have to welcome several transfer students today before Giotto-san returns. And what are you talking about with Mukurou?"

"Just your pathetic lack of a love life," said Reborn as he languidly draped himself over the sofa and tilted his fedora down to cover his eyes. The black of his suit melted into the black of the couch and little else could be seen other than the mocking smirk under the shadow of the fedora. "Not much."

"He's an owl, Reborn." Tsuna sighed with exasperation as he crossed the room, seated himself upon his favorite window seat, and picked up a pen from his school bag to resume his paperwork. Mukurou flew over and settled himself on the right side of the desk to face his charge. "And mind your own business!"

"That owl has more common sense in one of his molting feathers than your Foreign Studies Guidance Counselor does in his whole body," snorted Reborn. "Have your meetings, I'm taking a nap."

"Then sleep in your own room!"

"Zzzz…"

"Stop making a fool out of me! For all I know, you're a spy feeding information just to make me suffer! That man on the train knows who I am and where to find me and—"

"Shut up, dame-Tsuna. So what?"

"What should I do? No one seems capable of giving me a straight answer."

Reborn sighed. "You really are a dame-Tsuna. Stop instantly thinking of him as the villain. Did you ever even thank him for saving you that first time? And that little stint with Hibari Kyoya? You would not have thought of using the windows to escape if he wasn't there."

The pen dropped from Tsuna's hand with a loud clatter. He did not even notice when Mukurou waddled over, picked up the pen with his beak, and placed it back into his hand. "How do you know about that?"

"After all these years, you still ask the same question." A lazy eye gazed at the copper-haired man under the shadow of the hat. "What else would explain the damaged window in the Disciplinary Committee Boardroom? All I had to do was wait for Hibari to file a damage report and ask him what caused his thundercloud of an expression. You may not know, but the man is brutally honest. It may be best to steer clear of him for the next few days."

"You don't have to tell me that. Hibari-san is 'brutal' in every sense of the word," Tsuna replied.

"He wants you."

Tsuna's cheeks blossomed with a crimson tint that spread to the tips of his ears. "I can live without knowing that."

"But in any case, you should still thank that man," said Reborn. "You don't even have to meet him face-to-face. A thank you present would serve your purpose just as well."

Tsuna made to retort, but he stopped himself when he saw the edge of his laptop peeking from inside his bag.

o-o

**Kora:** [So let me get this straight. You want to give a present to your stalker but don't know what sort of thing he would like? Are you out of your mind, kora?]

**Tuna Fish:** [It wasn't my idea! But as self-defeating as it seems, it's the right thing to do.]

**Froggy:** [A restraining order. I hear they're popular gifts during Valentine's Day, Christmas, and the Coming-of-Age Day*.]

**Tuna Fish:** [I'm not a minor.]

**Froggy:** [Do you look like one? Lolicons, shoutacons, and yaoi fangirls are everywhere these days. Heck, some may even be reading this conversation right now.]

**Jaws:** [I don't see what the big deal is. Just give him your virginity and have it over and done with.]

**Tuna Fish:** [Out of the question! You guys aren't taking me seriously again. And keep my virginity out of this!]

**Big Sis:** [And we have an answer!]

**Kora:** [Not like we didn't already expect it, kora. But now it gets interesting.]

**Tuna Fish:** [W-what? What's all this about?]

**XX:** [None of your business, brat. Someone as whiny as you can't be anything but.]

**Froggy:** [Not necessarily, Boss. Master's a deviant, but I know he's a virgin.]

**Jaws:** [What? That unholy terror? I don't believe it.]

**Big Sis:** [Fran-chan, how can you be sure?]

**Froggy:** [It's simple, Hard Gay transvestite nee-chan. He tells his little sister everything and I read her diary for blackmail purposes when she's not looking. Master's nii-sama was more than happy to confirm it when I asked. He cares for his younger siblings, you know.]

**XX:** [And you still breathe? He's lost his edge.]

**Froggy:** [Master beat me black and blue when he found out. But he said he won't rip out my organs and make new gloves out of my skin as long as no one else finds out.]

**Big Sis:** […]

**XX:** […]

**Jaws:** [Voi! You idiot frog! Leave the country! Pack up your fucking clothes and your stupid hat and get out of this fucking country right now!]

**Froggy:** [Why such harsh words, Captain? Please don't take your frustration out on me just because Boss refuses to let you top.]

**Jaws:** [Then die and good riddance, shitty frog.]

**Big Sis:** [Fran-chan… read the list of people online.]

**Froggy:** [… Ah…]

**- Froggy has logged off. –**

**Fukurou:** […. Kufufu… Pardon me.]

**- Fukurou has logged off. -**

**Tuna Fish:** [What was that all about?]

**Kora:** [It serves that loudmouth right, kora.]

**Big Sis:** [I'm worried, but he hurt my feelings! In any case, have you figured out what to give your friend?]

**Tuna Fish:** [I can hardly call him my friend. Acquaintance would probably be straining it.]

**Kyoko:** [Uhm… sorry to interrupt, but how about a set of teacups?]

**Big Sis:** [What a good idea! Everyone could always use a set, pervert or not. And if you want to prevent him from forcing in an uncomfortable one-on-one conversation, just purchase a set with more than two place settings!]

**Tuna Fish:** [Teacups…?]

o-o

A knock sounded on the door just as Tsuna lowered the monitor of his laptop closed. As much as he hated the responsibilities and formalities expected of the next Chairman, the burden was something he was resigned to a long time ago. Chairman Giotto was his only uncle, after all.

"Please come in!" He stood up from the window seat to greet his guest. He was expecting an unfamiliar face, so he was rather puzzled to see Irie Shoichi peer into the room. "Shoichi-kun?"

Irie glanced around the office in slight confusion before he fully entered the room. "Tsuna-kun, is Chairman Giotto out of the office today?"

"He was in Italy but is expected to return late this afternoon. Was there something I could help you with in the meantime?"

Irie peeked his head out of the door and beckoned for someone to enter. "Tsuna-kun, this is Byakuran-san, a transfer student from Millefiore Academy in Italy. I was showing him around the campus and we stopped by to see if Chairman Giotto was here. But in any case, Byakuran-san, this is Sawada Tsunayoshi-kun, Juudaime-apparent of Vongola Daigaku."

Tsuna's eyes were immediately drawn to the untamed shock of almost iridescent white hair before he got a good look at the man's face. If Tsuna was not so numbed and acclimated with seeing sinfully gorgeous men every day, he would have thought that Byakuran was the most handsome man he had ever seen. But being as he was accustomed to Chairman Giotto, Tsuna simply thought of Byakuran as interesting. He held out his hand in greeting and gave a warm smile. "On behalf of Chairman Giotto, I welcome you to Vongola Daigaku, Bya—ah!"

The words died on the tip of Tsuna's tongue when Byakuran lifted his hands to his lips and gently kissed the back of it… like one would a lady. His healthy complexion turned ashen when his amber eyes locked gazes with mischievously seductive lilac. "The pleasure is all mine, Tsunayoshi-kun."

Irie was practically catatonic as he fought the urge to shove himself between to separate the two and save his friend who was frozen in place. But ultimately, he settled for the most diplomatic route and cleared his throat. "Er… Byakuran-san, Tsuna-kun is male."

Byakuran simply straightened up and shot Irie a winning smile. "I know." The man's eyes were once again closed, but Irie could sense that the owl on Tsuna's desk was far from amused. "But forgive me, I am Italian and that is how we greet each other back home."

As blood slowly traveled back to his face, Tsuna tried to remain polite as he gently removed his imprisoned hand, rounded the heavy desk, and sat on Chairman Giotto's chair as quickly as decorum would allow him. He knew that Reborn slept with his eyes open and was aware of his every move. However, he was more interested in having the comfort of the solid, wide desk separating him from the overly friendly transfer student. "Ah, I see."

Mukurou shuffled over to stand between Tsuna and Byakuran. His body faced Tsuna, but his head slowly twisted back to affix wary red and blue eyes at the trespasser. He hooted softly, but with an undeniable edge of warning.

_Tsuna, you innocent fool!_ Irie adjusted his glasses and sighed as he felt the onslaught of a massive migraine. Byakuran had appropriately shaken his hand earlier, but the sincere-looking expression on the man's face as well as the tentative relief on Tsuna's made him think twice about revealing what he knew. It was too troublesome. "Ahem, in any case, Byakuran-san still needs his list of registered classes, Tsuna-kun. But Guidance Counselor Lambo in the Foreign Exchange div—"

"Say no more!" said Tsuna as he cut off Irie and shot straight up out of his seat. "Excuse us, Byakuran-san, we will return with your list of classes shortly."

"Eh? But Tsuna-kun, shouldn't-!" Irie's protests went unheard as the younger man grabbed him by the arm and with a strength that belied the small frame, bodily hauled him out of the door.

Byakuran's smile turned into a sly grin as he watched the door slowly close. He was amused by Sho-chan's naiveté, but he was not expecting to meet a gem as satisfyingly fun to play with as Tsunayoshi-kun so quickly. He was going to slowly and thoroughly enjoy this game.

"I know what you are plotting behind that smile of yours. You are a fool if you even think of underestimating him."

Byakuran looked towards the sound of the voice and saw a young man who lying down upon the couch. He wore a suit but from the voice and build of his body, he could not have been past his early teenage years. A black fedora with an orange trim hid his face from view as the snowy owl left his desk perch to land on one of the couch's arms.

"And what could I possibly be hiding? I am simply a new transfer student who is trying to make new friends."

"Heh, that won't work on me. I know exactly who you are and what you want."

"Oh? And are you going to stop me? I doubt that would be very healthy," said Byakuran with a mildly deadly tone.

"It may be you who does not know to whom you are speaking to, Millefiore," said Reborn as he tilted up his fedora to fix Byakuran with a lazy stare.

Byakuran hid his slight annoyance behind a closed-eyed smile. "Hello, Arcobaleno."

Reborn smirked. "So you know who I am. There's only one thing to do now."

"And what is that?"

Reborn held up a photograph. "This is the last one. I will sell it for 10,000 yen**."

Byakuran's smiled melted and his eyes fully opened in shock as he looked at the picture before him. But his surprise quickly passed and with a predatory look on his face, he reached for his wallet. "You drive a hard bargain."

"Smart man."

**- Tsunayoshi Sawada -**

**- Limited Edition : #100 out of 100 -**

- End Chapter Four -

*Coming-of-Age Day = "Seijin no Hi" = A holiday held during the second Monday in January for those individuals who have reached 20 years old to mark their passage into adulthood.

**10,000 yen = approximately $114.00

Author's Notes:

Thank you very much for the reviews, you lovely readers. Windows Vista loves you… though I own a Mac.

Ah, chapter four. You silly, silly chapter. I meant to update earlier, but my workload at work was increased. But now it's finished thought I could have sworn I was farther along. I'm about a third of the way done with the next chapter of Zaibatsu for those of you who are waiting for it.

And I love Fran, so I gave him the honors of breaking the fourth wall in this chapter. And Kyoko has also been added to be the sole voice of reason. I just kept her name because I imagine her to be sensible enough to know that there's a million Kyokos out there… and because nothing really stands out to me for her. That… and I was too lazy to think up a name (THE TRUTH COMES OUT, STUPID AUTHOR!). And sorry, not so much Mukuro this time.

otakurose16 – If you feel like a sadist for reading this, then what does that make me? XD


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